Sophie's Breakdown
by Maria Germanotta
Summary: Sophie's involved in an accident when she is no longer able to deal with everything in her life. Although she's lost her memory Sian will always be by her side helping her to remember what happened before the accident.
1. Chapter 1

Sians POV

I dont even know what happened…i am just crying my eyes out in our room…I had a fight with Sophie, yes again,and we fell apart. But I don't want it I want sophie back, my sophie back. But she's not MY Sophie anymore, we are fighting about everything, but this time was different.I know I left her on valentines but we needed some time apart. As I said we were fighting all the time before I left that I couldn't cope with it. Then I came back and she began to talk about living together, rent a flat and stuff and we are so young…

The real reason was not that though…she was too much jealous about anything, I just found a friend while I was on my holidays and when she saw the pictures there we were, fighting again. I am sorry about it now that I had time to think, I should have not told her that I cant deal with it anymore, but I really cant deal with this new always-angry-Sophie. Since the tram crash, baby Jack, Rosie moving out ,her parents divorce…it's a lot to deal with and I understand why she is being like this, but I am here, with her, as always. Well not anymore I suppose…

Then I heard the door. 'Please be Sophie, please be Sophie'. Yes its her, she's staring blankly at me, not showing any emotion in her eyes, when usually I can read her eyes like a book know how she is feeling just looking at her, and its odd.

'Soph please…' I started closing my eyes to concentrate on something to say, they are just words but then she stopped me crashing her soft lips in mine forcefully, deepening the kiss instantly. 'God I missed this'. Its so full of passion and lust, breath taking, literally. She is taking my breath away with this kiss, pushing me into her desk and throwing the stuff away.

Then she started to caress the skin of my hips lifting my shirt a bit and I felt my heart skip. I wanted her. I needed her. I threw my hands to her neck playing with her long hair and trying to pull her closer, pushing her into my centre, wich made me release a load moan into her started to lift up my shirt taking it off and kissing my neck the second it was on the floor.

With her hands all over my body…her touch is sending shivers down my spine, its not sweet and gentle as always though. Our tongues are battling for dominance she's dominating me , she got me, I've never felt that vulnerable but im hers, always have and always will.

My thoughts were stopped by a very flustered brunette who reached the bottom of my jeans and pulled them off forcefully lifting me up in the desk and entwining my legs around her waist .Rocking our bodies in time the kiss got more and more heated as she undid my bra. She left my lips kissing down my jaw to my neck, fuck she knows how to turn me on . She took me then and there, and I couldn't help myself but let her. Even though I was worried about her behavior since she has never been that dominant I couldn't be more turned on. But I was wrong, cause without any hesitation or teasing ( as she always does) she entered me moving my panties to the side. It was…mind blowing how she touched me, how she kissed me with all she got using her tongue as only she knows. Not only in my mouth, but all over my body. Licking softly my breasts as she began to move her fingers in and out, slowly at first making me groan with pleasure.

She suddenly stopped, making me open my eyes abruptly and seeing her looking deep in to my eyes. She still had this odd look, as if she has no emotion. I know its selfish, and I should have talked to her, stopped her, but I couldn't help myself but start riding her hand staring into each others blue eyes. I felt the orgasm building up as she came back to massage my centre running her thumb over my clit.

"Fuck Soph"

We've been quite distant due to her mood and I missed her touch. I knew it wasn't going to take much more time to go over the edge as she picked up a pace."D-Don't stop" I tangled my hands into her hair pushing her into me aching for her body as I tightened around her fingers moaning her name loudly over and over again until I reached my high.

"Oough Soph!"

I collapsed on her embrace without any energy on my body to support me after that mind blowing orgasm. I knew Sophie was amazing, but wow…she left me speechless. After riding out my orgasm and a few minutes trying to regain my composure and catch my breath again I noticed that she was full clothed. But I couldn't move, I was dead tired to even open my eyes. So she carried me to the bed. Still without talking she sat down on the edge of the bed looking at me with that face, that weird face. She brushed some hair from my fringe and then she left.

That's all I remember when I woke up: fight, tears and sex. She's gone and I am still naked under the covers of our bed. She left just 2 minutes after making love to me! Although it feels like she was fucking me, it was a bloody shag for her. Fuck and leave without even talking! That's all she wanted, of course, how can I be so stupid. Well I know why I am so stupid, cause I love her, Im in love with her and that's not going to change, not ever. But she's changed.

My phone started ringing snapping me out of my thoughts. 'Its Sally'

"Hey Sally…yes im here I just woke up…I was so tired I went to bed when I arrived…yes, I saw her but…WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE DOING IN HOSPITAL?...THERE'S NO WAY SHE JUMPED OFF THAT ROOF!...I'll be there as soon as I can."

At the hospital

General POV

"Hey Sally, what happened? Is Soph ok? I cant believe it…but what exactly happened, Sophie jumping off a roof? There's no-"

"Slow down Sian, Sophie is ok, she's so lucky nothing worse happened to her. She landed on a car but she has broken her leg and some ribs, they are checking for brain damage-

"BRAIN DAMAGE? Oh my god oh my god…"

"OMG SIAN!" Shouted Rosie jumping into Sian arms" where were you? I thougth you would be with her"

"Well yes, I was with her, but then she left me sleeping cause I was dead tired. Anyway ,is she going to be ok?"

"Don't worry Sian, she is not in danger anymore"

"What the hell do you think you are doing here you little bitch? You were supposed to be with her, to take care of her! And you were fucking sleeping while she was drunk jumping off a roof?" Kevin shouted at Sian, who stayed stunned at Kevin outburst

"First, YOU are her dad, YOU are the one that is supposed to take care of her, but no, you don't give a damn about her anymore, but furthermore, you are blaming me! I am who stood by her, who supported her when her family was busy fighting and shouting at eachother. And second she didn't jump!"

"You are right, I don't give a damn about the daughter that have sex with her girlfriend in my own house, that get drunk every time she can, and that jumped off a fucking roof"

"Shut up cause she didn't jump! Im sure she is not able to commite suicide! You are talking about Soph, our Soph and you must have cared about her the most in the worse moments cause she needs you! But you cant see beyond your nose, you are selfish!"

They were stopped by the doctor: "Sophie's family" All of them surrounded the doctor "I must say she's a lucky girl, apart from the damage that you were informed we did pertinent tests and she has no big damage in her brain. I have bad news though, we think she's lost part of her memory as she thinks she is 15 instead of 18 due to the hit on her head as she landed."

"But will she remember, will she get her memory back?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Don't worry miss, we are working on it. Tomorrow morning we will have the results and the answer. We are trying our best. You should go home and rest ,by now is all you can do."

"Im not going to leave her, not again"

"Sian you are not leaving her, she is here, in hospital, and the doctor is doing all those tests or whatever. You are not even allowed to visit her" Rosie tried to reason with Sian "But-""No Sian, trust me. I promise tomorrow we will be here all day. She is my sister Sian, you know, I do care about her, but the doctor said we cant do anything else, just wait."

"She is not going anywhere near my house again" Kevin shouted

"Dad, stop it. Sian you are staying at mine."

Next morning. Hospital.

The doctor greeted all the Websters and Sian when they arrived at the hostpital at 8 o'clock the morning after the accident. They didn't know yet wether it was or not an accident. Kevin was the only one thinking that his younger daughter has tried to kill herself. Despite this feeling, deep inside he knew she didn't .

Dr. Sullivan explained to them the conclusion they got from the night, when besides the tests a psychologist had interviewed Sophie. He told them that they had to be patient with her, but mostly with her memory. The injuries were getting well, but they didn't know what to expect from her memory. The doctor was optimistic as the psychologist agreed that the memories were still there in her brain, the problem was that she couldn't reach them. He advised them to be patient, telling Sophie these 3 years slowly to take it all in.

2 hours later, Sian was still not allowed to visit Sophie cause she isn't family. As you probably think she was driving herself crazy thinking that Sophie wouldn't remember her, wouldn't remember what they went through together, first finding out about their feelings and then facing the world, knowing that most of the people doesn't understand that love is love. It was a tough way that they passed knowing they had each other. But now? She didn't know what to expect. Moreover she couldn't stop thinking about what happened before Sophie had the accident, why did she got drunk, why did she jump and why did she had sex with Sian before all of it. All this questions couldn't be answered now.

FLASHBACK

At the Grimshaws

"Sian don't worry, its going to be ok. Its Sophie she is so strong, she will remember"

"but what if she doesn't? I cant live without her Rosie, at least I hope she remember me as a friend…"

"They said she thinks she is 15 so that's when she kissed you isn't it?"

"That's before…"Sian said between sobs" Anyway I just wanna know what happened, Im sure Sophie is not able to jump…"

"Im totally sure she didn't jump"

"Yeah but lately she was going trough a lot, and we had this massive fight…we had kind of a fell out…"

"YOU TWO HAD A FIGHT?"

"Mmm…yes…"

"Sian! Tell me! Now!"

"Mmm..ok..she was being so distant lately so I though it would be good for us to go on that trip with my mom. I think we needed time apart. Sometimes everyone needs to be by themselves and I truly needed it. Im not saying I wanted to be without her. I don't want to, I cant, not ever. She is the only one that holds me into place, that keeps me going on. I always knew there was something linking us, even when we were just friends. I remember you always said that we were joined to the hip, but we are joined to the heart. It is like my heart cant beat properly without her, my blood cant run through my veins, my body doesn't work as it has to. Its like…I cant put it into words…like she got under my skin, she's part of me and without her Im not myself, yet all I could did was leave. I knew it hurt her, I am not stupid. Not only I felt empty without her but also I could feel our conexion , I could feel her from miles away. However we managed to argue again when I got back, she said she wanted to live with me, rent a flat…we had a really big one, I didn't mean half of what I said but I couldn't help it I was hurt, words just seemed to fly out of my mouth… then… I just left"

"I am…trying to understand…you love her, but you leave her? It doesn't make sense to me…besides you said she left you sleeping? So you saw her after the argument?"

"well…yeah…mmm…i…I don't know if I should tell you Rosie…"

"You are her girlfriend but im her sister Sian, I think I should know whatever it is" Said Rosie feeling a bit hurt with sians words.

"Ok im going to tell you but please don't interrupt me, don't say naughty comments and don't tell anyone. Please"" I headed home while she went back to work. I spent most of the evening crying wondering what was what I've done wrong, why on earth we could be hating the person we loved the most. After a while, maybe it was minutes, maybe it was hours, she came home bursting into the room with a really odd face. I thought she was going to shout at me, break up with me or something, but she kissed me instead…we kind of…did it?" Sian whispered hoping Rosie wouldn't hear her "but I shouldn't have let her, I should have stopped her, she was being so weird, she didn't even took off her own clothes, god its embarrassing"

"To much information here Sianny" Rosie laughed trying to light up the mood wich only got sian blushing again" continue please, sorry"

"I have to say it was amazing, she is amazing but I cant stop thinking what would have happened if I stopped her, I knew something was wrong, she just left me after it! I was selfish though, im a selfish bitch…I know im the one to blame…that's why I cant leave her again. This is all my fault…I should have talked to her, asked her, begged for her to forgive me.. I wil always what if."

FLASHBACK ENDS

Rosie have been with Sian an hour keeping her company while her parents were talking with Sophie and the doctor. Suddenly Sally came to the waiting room to call Sian, the doctors said she finaly could see her.


	3. Chapter 3

Sians pov

"Sian, love, the doctor said you can see her come with me"

"Really? Oh thank god"

I've been doing my head in since the doctor told us she has some memories blocked or something like that. I don't know how to act around her, what to say. She will freak out if I tell her that we are together but I cant hide my feelings I am on cloud nine now though that I can see her.

Lets do it calm down Sian.

"Hey ya Soph, how are you doing?"I asked her nonchalantly

"What is she doing here Sally? She is not family." Kevin shouted again. What's on to him? I don't know what I did wrong, I better shut up.

"Daad!"

"Kevin its not the moment, she has the right to see Sophie. You know im still trying here but Sophie needs her." Kevin tried to argue but Sally sighed stopping him " Lets give them some time, Sian you listened to the doctor…so be carefull" she wishpered" I'll be grabing a coffee if you need me. Kevin came on"

After a few moments I sited down on the chair on the right side of sophie's bed taking her hand on mine without realizing "Oh shit sorry Soph" "Its ok Sian I needed a friend I needed to see ya, my parents are driving me crazy with all that stuff of the memory. I cant believe I lost 3 years of my life…"

"Don't say that Soph, the doctor said you have a lot of possibilities of get them back"

"I know, but right now I feel lost, like im not living my own life…Anyway we have to catch up my parents just told me that im working cause I left college and that you live now with us, which I think is awesome by the way. If someone have told me that I would be living with my best friend and working I wouldn't have believed haha." I gazed at her trying not to get lost in her bright blue eyes.

"Yeah, well, my father…you know how are my parents…my mother leave me to some random bloke and my father just…didn't care enough. But as you see your parents are amazing and let me live in your house." I started to play with her fingers, trying to keep my mind occupied ,otherwise I would give in and cry like a baby and Soph can't see me like that, she would suspect.

" So Sian my parents don't want to tell me what have happened in this almost 3 years cause they think it would be too much for me, but please you are my best friend, I need to know" There it is, those awesome eyes begging for me to tell her. There is something in the way she is looking at me. I know she's lost right now, its her life and she has forgotten it. She should know. I should tell her. "Came on Sian" she said pouting. Im helpless.

"But im just telling you a summary, events that you have to know ok?"she nodded smiling" mmm you broke up with Ben. Do you remember that?"she nodded again" you were doing well at college then, Ryan tried it on you"

"Ryan WHAT?"

"Oh, so you don't remember that…we were fighting a lot and you tried to help him, he said he wanted to make things up to me. Then he tried to kiss you, you told me and I broke up with him"

" I cant believe it, such a prick… he got you! Why on earth would he want to kiss me when you were his girlfriend?Aghh… Anyway, go on please."

"mm I had a fight with my dad and he disowned me so your parents let me your sister burned the kitchen trying to cook and Jason had to clean all up. That was really funny. Your mom got ill, but she is ok now. Roy and Hayley got married and we sang there, we joined the choir and Hayley asked us to sing cause the band couldn't sing

After and hour or so of telling Sophie, leaving us out of the page, Rosie came with the nurse cause sophie needed to change the bandage and take some pills, so rosie and I stood out of the room waiting. Both of us still worried about how things will turn out.

"Mom and dad don't want to tell Sophie…don't worry I agree with you and im glad you told her"

"I just told her some things, I didn't tell her about your mom, jack or us…"

"You will have to tell her eventually you know, about your relationship I mean. You cant hide it forever, let alone lie to her. And you saw how is acting my dad lately. He will tell her if you don't just to hurt you."

"I know Rosie, I just…I am scared I may lose her…"

"Don't say that Sian, she has lost her memory, but feelings cant just go away. You are meant to be together. She still look at you with loving eyes. Even if she thinks you are just friends when you are around each other its like gravity don't attract you to the ground, gravity attract you to her." That's all I needed to burst into tears, crying hopelessly, letting out all the fear and sadness in Rosie's embrace.

"Im going to tell her Rosie."

I stood several minutes at the doorframe trying to figure out what to say, how to tell Sophie that we are not best friends anymore, that we are in love. The first time she kissed me I reacted her like a slut,at first running away and the next day yelling at her I didn't want her in my life anymore. I regret every word I said, I cant forget the look of hurt in her face when I said those hurtful words. I don't know if my heart could deal with that rejection.

"Sian" Rosie called me" You gotta be strong for her" With that I entered the room again, alone this time, still thinking what to say.

"Sian where have you been? I was dead bored waiting for you to come back. You have to tell me more things please."

" I need to tell you something Sophie, but you have to promise me you wont freak out."

"Ok, I promise, but what its all about Sian? You are worrying me, are you ok?"

"Of course im ok, don't worry, I just need to tell you this. I cant hide it from you"

"Tell me then"

"Do you remember that I told you Ryan tried to kiss you and then I broke up with him? That's not everything. You told me about it but Ryan lied saying it was you who did it, and…and I believed him. Im so sorry Soph but-"

"Sian don't worry its in the past now you don't have to apologize anymore. But why are you telling me this?"

"I know its been two years since, but I am still sorry and I always will be, as I said you are more important to me that any lad, or that any person for that asked me if I had someone special in my life, I do, I have someone special, but this someone is not a guy…its you Soph, we are or were together."

"WHAT THE FUCK?" she yelled trying to sit up but failing " fuck it hurts!" I stood up moving to the other side to help her and see if it was bleeding

" Don't touch me."

That's it. I couldn't move. I couldn't think, I remained frozen to the spot, like my body wasn't mine anymore. I came back to the rejection like in the movies when your soul comes out of your body, my soul came back to Southport, when Sophie tried to apologize and all I did was be rude and hurt her.

FLASHBACK

I was in Southport. I needed to be away after the kiss. I couldn't believe what happened, my best friend kissing me? Of course I didn't push her away but what was I supposed to do? I was shocked, I wasn't thinking I just left. She's being trying to talk but I don't want to. We are over.

"What are you doing here?" What is she thinking about coming to Southport? I don't want to see her again

"What about ya? I thought you was at your dads"

"I was but I changed my mind"

"Without telling me?"

"I didn't wanna talk to you did i!"

"Why not?"

"What? Aint it obvious why?"After a while of staring at each other I talked again "You can come in for ten minutes ok? But on one condition: don't touch me" I left open the door for her to come in, trying to be as far away as I can from her.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?" Is she trying to fool me or she is just stupid, I cant be around her after the kiss, I just cant.

"Like I did something terrible to you?"

"Sophie you kissed me!"

"So" she whispered

"SO? So no on! You might be like that but im not!"

"I don't know what I am"

"Well maybe when you find out you could let me know, or the next time you wanna do some experiments you can do it on somebody else please!"

"I wasn't experimenting Sian it just happened, you didn push me off ya"

"I dont want it to happen again!"

"I thought we was friends"

"Well yeah we were, but that were as a not anymore. That's right, you and me, well there is no you and me anymore. We are not friends we are nothing else either!"

ENDFLASHBACK

I was snapped back to reality by Sophie kneeling on the bed with her broken leg and her ribcage bleeding through the bandage trying to hug me, brushing tears away that I didn't realize I was crying. I was preparing myself for this, for the rejection. But you cant imagine how much it hurts until it hits you. And it hit me hard, like she has ripped my heart out, the air was taken out of my lungs and my mouth is dry. Trying to stop the lump that was forming on my throat I chuckled still holding onto Sophie who was trying her best not to fall.

"Im sorry Sian, Im so sorry, I didn't mean it like that im shocked that's all. Sorry please can you just forget it?."

"Its…its ok soph" I said between sobs trying to hold the tears that were cascading down my cheeks" I understand it, I knew it was too much for you, its all my fault"

"No, Sian. You must tell me everything, its my life and I am the one who decide about it. Im thankful that you got the guts to tell me aside from my parents."

"Look at you, you sound like a proper eighteen." Wich earned me a slap on my arm from Sophie

"Oi shut up Powers" Sophie said blushing

"Now seriously Soph I'll call the nurse, they gotta see your wound this bleeding is starting to scare me"

I called the first nurse I saw outside the hallway and told her about the bandage and how sophie's wound is bleeding, so she went to bring a first aid kit to clean it all up and change the bandage. Suddenly she called me asking for help as her partners were busy with other patients. I just had to hold sophies vest top and the bandage for the nurse to pick up the tape that was in the hallway. Sophie stood up on the bed sighing at the effort

"Soph stop it you cant barely move without crying in pain" I said pushing her back down by her shoulders whilst trying to hold the bandage too, failing miserably as I slipped,it happened on quickly motion. First I was holding her the next time my mouth were inches apart from sophie's. All I could feel was her warm breath razing my lips, remembering how soft they are, how natural they felt on mine as if they were done to fit into eachothers. All this thoughts torturing me even without our lips touching.


	4. Chapter 4

That's why I know she is the one, why I know we are meant to be. I still get nervous every time she lean into me, doing little gestures like bringing breakfast to bed or writing messages on the mirror while she is having a shower. I always try to put my make up on before she sees me, always trying to look good for her.

Feeling her this close to me, feeling the energy her body irradiates drives me crazy, I know I wont be able to stop myself and lean in when suddenly the nurse appeared back in the room snapping the door closed behind her so I jumped back with the sound. She finished with the bandage giving us a dead look which made us burst out laughing

"She totally hates us!" she said calming her laughter" The look of disgust on her face was so funny!"

"I know as if we give a damn! Hahaha we didnt even do anything we were just close!such a used to it though babe there always was people who looked at us like that, but we got over it together. I remember once we went to the cinema and I picked up a film which was pretty shitty so we sat in back snogging the face off each other. There were some girls and guys who started coughing and saying things. We didn't realize anything cause we were on our own happy bubble until a woman said: 'these dykes don't know a thing about respect and manners. That's why they are like that I bet their parents are not normal either.' It pissed you off a lot and you started yelling, saying that she cant talk about your girlfriend like that in your presence. You were really protective, but I knew that if I won't stop you you would punch her so I grabbed you by the arm and left carrying you still shouting at them." She blushed turning darker and darker shades of red but still laughing

"I've always been protective with you Sian" at this point her face seemed to be a tomato "remember when we were friends. But Sian I was wondering …this means I am…a lesbian?"

"I don't know Soph we only talked about it once and you said you weren't straight, that you were sure. But its something inside you. I am not the one that has to tell you whether you are straight or not. You just feel it. Its not a choice, sure we had problems with people, with our families, but the ones that loves us are still here. I didn't choose to fall in love with my best friend who happened to be a girl, I just did and I don't regret anything. I know and I understand that is hard for some people cause it's a different generation, 20 years ago it was an illness but we didn't change, im still sian and you are still sophie."

"And you?" She continued seeing the confused look on my face" are you a lesbian?"

"I don't know soph, all I know is that I love you. We always joked saying I am shophie-sexual"

"Can you tell me things about us? How we got together and stuff."

"You have to eat and rest a bit. Im going to take a shower and have lunch and I'll be here when you are awake. Anyway there is some people out there waiting for me to leave you alone haha"

"Im not that interesting darling I would be alone here if it wasn't for you."

"I'll stay here as long as you want me. I'll stay the night by the way"

"No sian I wont let you spend the night here"

"See ya later Soph." I said pecking her cheek and leaving quickly for sophie to drop the subjet.

It was still hard for me leave her, I know I have to take a shower eat and stuff. Go on with my life, but my life is not the same without her, part of it stays in this hospital with her when I leave. I don't know if she will remember or not, but I will be with her every step of the way, even if she wont remember and I have to be only friends. I will get used to it. But I cant get used to live without her, my body cant, my heart cant either.

After having a shower and eating something, even though my stomach is closed, I went back to the hospital ,bringing with me an overnight bag, to find Rosie and Sophie yelling at each other, as usual, but laughing this time. Rosie was telling Sophie some of the best anecdotes.

"Oi do you remember this time, I think it was Sians birthday after giving her the presents we threw a little party-"

"Little Rosie?"I asked in disbelief" The living room was bloody crowded, with people all over the place drinking and snogging!"

"Whatever you please let me finish the story! Thanks. Well you started playing some drink games and ended pretty wasted you little Christian! Anyway, you climbed up the kitchen table saying you wanted to dance. After a while you said that you wanted to show sian your real present which was a strip tease hahahahaahhahaha"

"Oh my goodness, its not funny rosie, at all!" Sophie said blushing. I think I can get use to this blushing-sophie, is too cute"Sian tell me I didn't do it please" she asked me with a embarrassed look.

"You do tried Soph started lifting your dress although I don't know how I managed to take you down that table."

" And into the bed if I remember well Sianny!" Rosie said

"Shut up Rosie!"

"We…did we..you know" sophie asked suddenly finding the sheets truly interesting

"Yes, and so many times." I snapped Rosies leg trying to shut her up, but it didn't work" Im in the room next to yours aint i?"Ohhh I remembered one more!"Rosie easy is for her to change the subject, thankfully this time" When Sophie was drunk in her birthday party and mom and dad walked in. Mom carried her to the conservatory shouting if you couldn't walk straight, then you said : no mom, im a lesbian remember? I cant do anything straight! "Rosie said trying to imitate sophies voice.

"That means im not funny when im sober?"

"Also that means your awesome when you drink sis. OMG its being hours! I'll leave you to it birds I need to get a photoshoot done before dinner. See ya in the morning"

Im glad she left us alone, but if im honest being alone with her scares me. I know, is stupid, she is my girlfriend! Not anymore I guess. What I mean is that being here with her on our own makes me nervous because I know that sooner or later we will end up talking about our relationship. Don't get me wrong, im totally proud of it,of us, its just that maybe im expecting her to dump me or kick me out of the room, I don't know. Our story hasn't been easy, we have had a lot of problems to be together, but we faced it sticking by each other, such as when my father disowned me. Sophie intertwined our hands and stood in front of my father with her body protecting me, even if Vinnie was quite scary she told him about us how we are in love. I know its my dad and the love you feel for your family is different. But they are not my family, they never were. Since I met Sophie we've spent most of the time together, when we were just friends there wasn't a day that we didn't talk or go out, even when I was with Ryan. We've always supported each other and soon she became family. When I had to move in her family treated me as another daughter and since then Rosie's been a sister for me. She always helped us since the very beginning trying to get Sally into terms at first and taking us in when Sally caught us doing it.

I've must been zoned out I while now cause the nurse has came and bring sophie's dinner. I settled it and waited until she has eaten it. Then I went to the cafeteria to eat something and came back changing into something more comfortable to spend the night.

"Sian you don't have to stay, I told ya"

"And I told ya I was staying, and its final. Im not going to let you spend the night alone."

"You are worse than my mom sian, I'll be sleeping it doesn't matter whether im alone or not"

"No Soph in hospital the night is awful cause you have time to think the reason why you are here"

"Jeez Sian chill will you, you are depressing I don't remember why im here anyway."

"I know, but hospitals are depressing, im here to keep you company."

"But I don't want you to sleep in that couch, i got plenty of space here" She said with a serious voice

"You want me to sleep with you?"

"Yeah as long as you keep your hands for ya and don't rape me yes sian I want you to sleep in the same bed as me."She said with a cheeky smile

"You wish"

"I did Sian, or I think so…"

"You don't remember so it doesn't count Webster, however I don't know how you managed to forget it, I am amazing" Is she flirting? She is flirting, isn't she? I don't know stop rambling sian she started the game, you will play it.

"You are full of yourself blondie aren't you. You wont fit on the door if you keep rising your ego!"

"That's because I can" I said with a wink

"I didn't say otherwise. " we gazed at each other, looking right in the eye for a couple of minutes either of us able to brake eye contact "Ermm.. changing the subject, I've been wondering something since I talked to Rosie…i…my vow…well did i break it? I mean I know i did break it its just-"

"WE did break your vow. " I said empathizing we "We did it because it felt right. We stopped when things where getting heated I always respected your vow and you more than anything, but it was the right thing to do cause we knew or we thought we were going to spend our life together. We didn't see it as breaking your vow, I made you a promise, I said forever and it will be forever."

"You are soppy when you want to Powers"

"Look whos talking!"

"Im not as soppy as you am I?"

"Yes you are Sophie. But now lets get some sleep, you need to rest"

"Oh please Sian, I wanna know more stuff, we can have a girly night" She said pouting

"No Soph, we will when you get back home and to do that you have to rest"

"Ok, but I want ya here, I said I wont let you sleep in that couch."

She moved to the side of the bed, leaving some space for me. I lied down trying not to invade her personal space even though I cant obviously cause we are sleeping in the same flaming bed! Don't freak out Sian, she is being so gentle don't ruin it. She covered us with the sheets and after a while she cuddled into my side so she put her head in the crook of my neck and wrapped her arm around my waist instantly falling asleep. I couldn't get any sleep I was so busy working out what to do next. I mean, what can I tell her and what not? How is she going to recover? Will she remember?

I kept wondering, asking to myself so many questions that didn't even make sense but I couldn help myself I was so concerned. I don't know if I can handle this situation. I know I have to help her, stand by her. Maybe she hurt her body, but im hurting inside.

Cuddling into her, getting lost in her essence I don't care about my broken heart anymore. She makes me feel safe like even if the whole world turns their back on me, I will always have her and that's all I need. I felt myself falling into sort of a light sleep, with my mind occupied every instant with her, a restless sleep. But love is restless. Loving Sophie is restless and amazing. I wouldnt stop loving her even if I tried. I just cant.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up with her by my side. Actually I didn't sleep last night. I was too busy thinking about her and having her cuddled into me didn't help. I spent last night staring at her, taking in all the beautiful little details that I love about her. The way she smile when shes asleep and dreaming about something nice, the way she pucker her nose or purse her lips pouting, her soft breath which make her chest move slowly up and down but most of all the way she cuddle into my side as if I would protect her of every nightmare. I would happily spend my life watching her sleep. Its so peaceful, as if everything didn't matter, as if we were not in hospital. She makes my heart feel warm even though everything is messed up.

I was lost in my mind thinking about the beautiful brunette I got sleeping in my chest when Rosie came. She told me that I should leave, get some sleep and have a shower. I don't know how she is so dumb and so smart at the same time, how does she know I didn't sleep? Was she here? Has she some sort of cameras watching us? All I know is that im going crazy, am I talking to myself? Yep I should get some rest. Plus sophies parents will stay with her today. I don't like the idea of leaving her, but they are her closer family, her parents. I stood up from the bed and get changed gathering all my stuff and trying to tidy up a bit. When I finished half an hour later Soph was stil asleep so I left her a note saying that her parents would be there when she wake up and that I will come back after dinner. So I kissed her head and left with Rosie.

"So Sian..how is everything going with my sis, you know…how is she taking this thing about you two?"

"Well she was shocked at first, but I think she is taking it pretty well. We were all flirty last night, if you ask"

"OMG my sis is epic. Even without knowing she is still doing your head in."

"I know right! Its just…I feel so lonely now Rosie. She is my family and now look, she has forgotten me."

"Sian listen, I know Sophie is your life and your family, but I thought over the years we were something too. You are like another sister for me, I do care for you as well as Tina, Rita, Katy, my mom, my… no he is an asshole actually, Jason, Carla…we all care for you and make a big senseless family."

"Oh thanks Rosie, you don't know how much this means to me" I said hugging her.

" I know that you need sophie, and sophie needs you, more than ever, but you cant skip uni. I wont let you throw your own life away because of this, because of her. I know it sound a bit harsh as she is my sister, but as I said I am worried about you too"

"You are right, of course, but she needs me and I wont put uni first. Im sorry"

"I was just making sure you wont regret it. You are old enough to make your own decisions."

"Thanks Rosie, but seriously when did you get this smart?"

" I know" she said filing her nails" wait are you saying I was stupid?"

"No Rosie, I was saying I love your bipolarity. Anyway im having a shower I have to sleep before going back"

"I can go with you to the uni and then to the hospital if you want, with the car and all"

"Yeah thanks Ros I would love to."

We arrived at the grimshaw's at 9 and have been talking 1 hour since. Now im off to have a shower, which give me some time to think properly, to release all the pressure, all the weight put on my shoulders. The hot water falling down my body relaxed my muscles, my mind also. As if all the things going through my mind were flowing away. The fear that invaded me every time I wasn't with Sophie was leaving me. I was afraid of leaving her alone, but deep down, I knew I was afraid of me being alone. Every mess seem to disappear when im with her. I doesn't though. So im here left with all the mess wondering if I could deal with it or not.

Rosies POV

I came back home with Sian who is now staying with us because of my so called father, I don't give a damn though, I always liked when Sophie and Sian stayed with me. Anyway, she needed to rest, I knew she wasn't going to sleep at all if she stayed with Sophie. She is still so affected with the memory thing, I can see it in her eyes. The glint of life in her eyes that disappeared with the accident was slowly going back, but we've known each other for over 3 years now, and I can assure I know her. That's why I cant let her give her life to sophie, over the years we have built a family, a relationship and I love her, I do care about her. I wont let her stop her life. She's doing great at uni, she is studying a grade on literature or something like that , all I know is that she really enjoy it and after all the effort she made at college she deserves this opportunity to do what she like.

She's been sleeping since 10 and its now 6. I should have woke her but she looked so peaceful. Im going to wake her now though as we have to go to the uni before going back to the hospital. Tina said she will go with us as its been a while since she hasn't seen Sian. Well actually its been since the accident cause Sian hasn't seen anyone but Sophie.

I heard the door knowing it was Tina I left it open without asking.

"Hey ya Tina, she's still sleeping im going to wake her"

"Ok, I'll make us a brew"

I approached the room hearing odd sounds, as if someone was screaming. I came in without knocking and saw Sian all sweaty gasping and screaming. She had a look of horror on her face and was moving every 5 seconds kicking the sheets to the side.

"Sian!Sian babe wake up!" I said grabbing her by the arm and trying to stop her."Sian please wake up babe" She stood up abruptly taking a deep breath in. I brushed her hair behind her ear and hugged her tight trying to calm her down. "Its ok babe, it was just a nightmare" she started crying in my arms.

"I was I was in hospital, it was all…all dark and cold…and …and my dad…Vinnie was there…I tried to to avoid him…but…but Sophie…She…she was…she was…was dead" She tried to explain crying harder and harder along the explanation.

"Sian listen calm down, breath in and out. Trust me." After a few minutes she calmed down.

"Vinnie was in the hospital looking for Sophie and I was running, he was chasing me, I thought that but he reached Sophie's room first and…when I arrived she wasn't breathing and…she was…she was…"

"Sophie is ok babe she has just some injuries but she is coming back home in a couple of days you don't have to worry. And about Vinnie he isn't going anywhere near you or Sophie again. I promised you."

"The shower had cleared my mind, I thought I was going to be ok, to stop being weak, being afraid of losing her but I cant stop thinking about it Rosie. Its as if the fear had gotten into me and I don't know how to sake it."

"I know Sian but as I said at the hospital you have to be strong for her. Now get ready its almost 7"I said leaving the room

"Ouugh for god's sake Rosie drop it! Its been just 2 days!"

"I know Sian babes but it will be more with Sophie's recovery!" I screamed through the hallway

Half an hour later we are at the principal's even thought all the complaining from Sian. We explained all the Sophie situation but by the look on her face she is not taking it well.

"I see"she started" it must be so hard but Miss Powers you should know that we cant do anything as your friend is not family, you know how much classes you can skip without failing the lesson, that's all I can say. "

"Sorry ma'am but her friend is actually her girlfriend and we are sians family." My blood was boiling, I cant believe this mommy wont help sian. I tried my best to be polite but im screaming in my head.

"I know miss but as I said you are not blood family"

"Then I'll adopt her. Sian i am going to adopt you"

"You what? You cant do that, you cant adopt someone a couple of years younger than you"

"Of course I can, I can do whatever I want ma'am. Sian is family for us, she is being brilliant with us and working to study here. I will do everything I can to help her keep studying"

"Well I will talk to your professors and see what can we do maybe we can change your degree and you can study from home, im not promising anything. "

"Thanks principal. Now came on Rosie, Sophie is waiting"

"Have a good day."


	6. Chapter 6

Same day as the last update

Soph's POV

_I cant see anything but I hear her in the distance screaming. I can see how she catch a big breath, preparing her throat and then screaming as loud as she can making her mouth go dry. And even from miles away, I know she is shouting my name._

_I can feel how she tightens her muscles, how she tenses her thighs, how she clears her mind and starts running. I can see, I can feel in my head all those little actions even in the dark, in my mind. _

_Then all goes numb. I can see again. Im in a hospital with tons of machines beeping, making all sort of sounds with wires tangled around me so I cant move. _

_I know it is small hours because the room is dimly lit. However I can notice the blue couch matching the curtains and the walls of the small hospital room. I can see as well the dark hallway hearing soft steps and other ones more hurried. I blinked and a man is stood up at the doorway looking at me. I can feel her screaming, running, but most of all I can feel the same she's feeling, we share the fear, fear of those eyes, the eyes of the man stood staring at me. A fear that involves me, that drowns my heart. So I start screaming too._

_I blink again and I can hear the flat line of my heart rate. I know im dead. My mind is full of blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes though. And of her screaming._

All of a sudden I open my eyes seeing the room now with bright light and I hear my own heart rate at a steady pace. I'm in the same hospital bed but everything's changed. I started looking for those mesmerizing blue eyes but all I can see is the same blue room tidied up and some flowers in the table. I was in shock with all the fear still in my system as if it was the owner of my body and not me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!" why are this people around me, I don't want them anywhere near me, they will hurt me. And her. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" My fucking hands are shaking, my body is tingling, all I want is run, run away from here but I cant move any of my muscles. Its like my bones are glued or frozen.

I know he is not here but I can see him in the back of my mind, he's still chasing me I know it and it makes me feel nervous as hell that I cant get rid of him, of this fucking feeling of fear. On top of that all those machines are beeping faster and louder in my ears. I cant think properly. All has become a blur of people around me, talking, shouting, machines making creepy sounds and I cant fucking move.

I know im hyperventilating but I don't give a damn I just want all this fucking people to leave me alone. I tried to stand up from the bed when I could move my arms at least and a paper fall to the ground. It's a note.

If you wake up alone I'm off doing some stuff

But your parents are keeping you company today.

I'll be back after dinner, I promise.

Don't miss me so much ;)

Sian xx

Then all went black again, but this time it wasn't a nightmare, this time I collapsed.

I wake up as if just one second has passed since I collapsed. I can hear people around me, someone holding my hand. Why am I saying someone? I know its her. I hear her sobbing while she is stroking my hand with her thumb. Then someone entered the room and they started talking .I know im awake but I cant seem to have the energy to open my eyes, or move for that matter.

"What's happened?" Sian asked

" She woke up from a nightmare really nervous, shaking and screaming. She didn't let anyone near her so the doctor injected by the iv some painkillers to calm her, but after it could work she collapsed. She is sleeping since." Sian started sobbing louder now.

"Im ok now sian" I said with a husky voice.

Sian's POV

I was rushing Rosie to get to the hospital. We've talked to the principal and she said that maybe they can arrange it to study from home. It would be amazing cause this way I could find time to study while I am taking care of Sophie. Talking of the devil, I am dead worried about her. I don't know why but I can feel something in the pit of my stomach. Nothing important happened cause Sall would have called us, but I cant help the battle between my head and my instinct. It sounds stupid but I know Soph and I share some sort of connection . Every time something happened to any of us the other would know it instantly.

At last we arrived at the hospital. I didn't listen to Rosie or Tina that told me to wait, I run like crazy to get as soon as I can to Sophies room, even though nurses and doctors are telling me to slow down I keep running faster and faster. She still asleep, weird. I stayed by her side, sit on the couch looking at her, stroking her hand when Sally entered the room.

"What's happened?" I asked her sobbing. She told me everything when all of a sudden Sophie spoke up with a soft voice that I struggled to understand.

"Im ok now Sian" she said remaining her eyes closed. I started crying more. After the accident, after everything I just want to hug her and go home with her. Just hold her in my arms and take care of her. Tell her everything is going to be ok.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She is covered in bruises and cuts, she collapsed ,she cant even open her eyes and she says she is ok…

"That I am ok?"she said sarcastically

"You are unbelievable Sophie"

"Augh Sian leave it will ya? I got a nightmare and freaked out, they gave me some painkillers and im ok now, whats the big deal? You treat me as if im porcelain, im not going to break into a million pieces for god's sake."

"What's it with the shouting?" Rosie asked as Tina and her made her way into the room.

"I told ya something happened" I said to Rosie annoyed cause I didn't come sooner or left for that matter. And now Sophie is being all grumpy, whats into her?

"Sian I need to talk to you" Sophie said looking at me frowning which made me frown too. Sally glared at Tina and Rosie to leave.

"We'll leave you to it"

Some time passed neither of us daring to break the awkward silence that has settled. I didn't want to talk first as I could see her deep in thought. She is the one who want to talk so I give her some time but I couldn't wait any longer. All the conjectures, all the speculations were running through my mind. Not only about what does she want to talk, but about what happened to her today. I know she is hiding something but I cant put a finger on it.

"Soph can you tell me what was that? With the nightmare I mean." I couldn't be bothered waiting

"I already told ya Sian!Sorry is just…I need to talk to you about something, but don't interrupt me please."I nodded" Ok mmm I've been thinking about the memory thing…and about what you told me. can I say it…?.I don't want you to stay here, be around all the time. By now all I remember is you as my best friend, maybe I'll remember, but maybe I wont and of course im curious about our relationship but I think it just tie me to the past. You tie me down to the past and right now I need to look forward or I'll be stuck on a past that I don't even remember. Don't get me wrong I am not kicking you out of my life, not at all. you are still my best friend. I need to take the rein of my life though, and I have to do it on my own. That's why I want you to stay away, keep the distance. I remembered something, well I felt something…I love you Sian, memories can fly away and never come back but feelings stay here under my skin in every cellule of my body. The thing is that I don't know if im in love with you"

I couldn't even let her words sink in. It hurt too much, I needed to get out of here. The words stay away and keep the distance replaying over and over again in my mind making my head a blur. I couldn't think properly it felt as if part of my heart was gone. This little speech of hers made me feel empty, lonely and stupid, because I think I am the only stupid bitch who can love someone more after this. I don't care whether she want me around or not, whether she loves me or not, whether she hurts me or not. I will always love her.

"Ok. I'll come'n see ya tomorrow" I felt the urge to kiss her, one last kiss. I pecked her forehead and left a sweet kiss on her lips. With that I stood up but when I was at the doorway she spoke up.

"You better do"


	7. Chapter 7

Rosies POV

We are in the canteen of the hospital waiting for Sophie who wanted to talk to Sian. Don't ask me why but I know something is wrong. When I entered the room 5 minutes ago I was greeted by Sian crying and Sophie half asleep. Sian was battling with herself to stop the tears from falling, to stop the sobs leaving her mouth that didn't let her talk. As for Sophie…all I saw is weakness, lack of energy or pride to keep going, to even open her eyes, and it scares me. In this kind of situation she need to be strong, not because of her injuries, but because of the hurt that the accident made to her mind, to her sanity. If she doesn't stay strong…she wont recover, not ever.

When we found a table to drink our coffees my mom started to explain us whats happened.

"I arrived later than I meant cause I a had to sort some papers at work but I thought that you and Sian would be at home so I didn't want to bother you thinking that sophie would be ok on her own. I approached the room hearing someone shouting when I saw sophie screaming trying to get up from the bed taking off her iv spreading blood all over the place. However as I realized I couldn't control the situation by myself I went to look for the doctor, he called the nurses and waken sophie up as she was still asleep, but when she woke up it became worse cause all the people around her and the machines freaked her out, so she panicked. 2 nurses grasped her while the doctor fixed the iv injecting some pain killers but before it could make effect she collapsed due to the lack of oxygen. She's been sleeping all day, she hasn't even eaten…she wake up once or twice but all I could take from her, some explanation of her behavior is that she got a nightmare." With that my mom broke out into sobs, I bet she thinks the same as I do" I've talked to the doctor and he said that the lost of her memory maybe causes the nightmares and the panic attacks so she is starting earlier her sessions with the psychologist."

After a couple of minutes taking in all the information I saw Sian running out of the hospital. She wasn't crying but I could see the hurt on her face when she rushed out of the building. The sooner Sophie realizes that she is in love with sian the better, cause I don't know if sian will take this pain any longer.

"I am going to talk to her. Wait here" I grabbed the empty cup throwing it to the bin and headed to sophie's room. As soon as I arrived at the room I hugged her knowing that she needed the comfort of a sister. The strange thing is that she is crying and Sian wasn't…

"What did you do soph?" I sitted down next to her in the bed stroking her hair. She rested her head on my chest still crying.

"I…I got a nightmare, and…and when I saw sian here everything just clicked in my mind…when I woke up from the nightmare I panicked cause I didn't feel safe, I am scared for me…and for sian, I feel like someone is after us. Maybe it has something to do with the accident, or maybe not. I don't remember anything before I fell of that roof…but maybe…maybe is my brain telling me to stay away from Sian. Im not stupid rosie I know im hurting her and I love her so much to see her get hurt, let alone knowing that im the one who caused it."

"And they say im the stupid one…" I said more to myself" Anyway, so you did realized that you love her and you told her?"

"Well kind of. I do know I love her, the thing is…that I don't know if its in a romantic way. I told her that and that I want her to stay away making some excuses. I hate lying to her but I have to." I squeezed her hand encouraging her to continue." I didn't told her to leave or forget me, just not to be around all the time."

"You know that with this decision the both of you are getting hurt right? Let me say it in my own words…you are pushing her away because of some weird nightmare after realizing that you love her? You are totally the stupid one of the family." I giggled as sophie slapped me on the arm." I don't know sis…I get that you are trying to protect her, I just don't think this is the right way of doing it. You know that she was going to leave college for you don't you? To help with your recovery."

"oh shit…see! im ruining her life all I seem to do is step into her life and mess it. You didn't let her did you?"she said crying again.

"No Soph I didn't let her. But love involves hurt Sophie. Everyone makes mistakes but fighting for the person you are in love with, doing whatever it needs to make them forgive you, make it up to them is what proves your feelings. Saying 'I love you' doesn't show you really do. Sian has been always by your side through everything she wont sit and watch you throw the love you two share away ,its been so hard for you to just let it go down." I tried to explain but I know my sister, she wont listen to me now she need to sort her head out first. She is the kind of person that thinks everything is alright until it blows up in her face hurting everyone around her.

"look maybe it is not the right decision but I have to find out this feeling of fear"she said not sounding convinced" I don't know what does it mean I just feel like staying away from Sian im protecting her. Now I have to work my own mind out, after that I will see what happen"


	8. Chapter 8

Sians pov

Sophie just said that she is not in love with me. Well I already knew it, that's what forgetting half of your life takes, yet hearing those words leaving her mouth…hurt. I understand why is she doing this. I think she is doing the wrong thing but hey who am I to judge, it is her life she decides. Despite the pain she is causing me, if I put myself in her shoes I don't know what would I do, I would be lost, still all I seem to think is that she is up to something. Obviously she is confused, her head is messed up but I could help with that. Im the person who knows the real Sophie, who knows her flaws and loves it, we know each other for 5 years or so and we've spend the best and the worse of our short life.

I ran out of the hospital trying to work everything out, yet trying to avoid the subject, trying to stop thinking about her and the pain but I simply cant. I run, run without any direction clear in my mind, I just run. I am not even crying, I guess my body hasnt any energy left to cry, I think I've been crying nonstop since Sally called me from the hospital. I remember that day…waking up alone after Sophie and I made love…maybe it was the last time…

I have to stop thinking about it, my brain is in overdrive and my heart is beating faster than ever. Keeping up my pace looking for a place where I have no memories with her. It is harder that I thought though, I've built my life around her, as I said over the years all the good moments are with her, ever since we became friends she helped me through the battlefield my parents made me live in. Therefore it is kind of a contradiction sometimes they would yell at me and the following day just avoid me, act as if I wasn't in the room. They made my life a hell of tears, name-calling, yells and defeat. I met Sophie and we became friends quickly. Since the first time I saw her I knew she was special, soon she was my best friend and we spent a lot of time together. Seeing as we used to stay at hers I had to tell her and she's always been supportive, she stuck by me when my dad started drinking and made me stay over when I had to be in wetherfield instead of at my dads, so I spent my young adolescence between Southport and sophies house. You already know where I've spent the rest of my teenage years. Since my dad disowned me and my mom couldn't be more happy to live with her boytoy I've been living with the websters, who accepted me as family. Sally wasn't truly comfortable at first but eventually she saw the love Sophie and I used to share and she is like a second mom for me, acting as the mom Janet should have been for me.

Being aware of my tiredness I stoped resting my head in a brick wall. Gazing the sky I acknowledged my surroundings, I was stood in front of my old house, my dads house, where everything officially began with Sophie and came to an end with my dad…

**FLASHBACK**

**After everyone in weatherfield found out about me and Sophie I knew my dad would discover the news sooner or later, but Sally telling him…I didn't see that coming. After our little trip around the country running away of the reject I told Sally and Kevin how was my dad. He's always been homophobe, one track minded, sexist and violent. He wants to take control over every situation and when that doesn't occur he becomes violent, which happened a lot after she began to drink. That's why I tried to persuade Sophie of keep running despite the conditions we were living on. We had no clean clothes, nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep, yet I couldn't come back. I couldn't let my dad force me to stay away from Sophie knowing that my body aches for her, not only my heart, and knowing that I cant even breathe without her in my life. Despite all the effort I made to be with her here I am, locked in my room. Literally locked. I've been all the weekend since I came back grounded, in my room without phone or laptop and the door locked. I am just allowed to go out to eat and have a shower.**

**When we arrived at the house he threw my luggage to the kitchen breaking it so my clothes were all over the place. He started drinking while yelling at me all sort of things. I don't give a damn about him or what he call me but I cant hear anyone insulting Sophie. He said that she turned me into this disgusting kind of person, that she is a dyke who wants a little pet to play with, that she is insane and ill…My blood was boiling with rage, I couldn't calm down and shut up as my brain was telling me. I yelled at him all the things that came across my mind, and as I couldn't be bothered with his foolishness I left him screaming. I slammed the door of my room closed and lay on my bed glaring at the ceiling. I've spent this 2 days doing the same.**

**Suddenly I heared the front door open revealing a girls voice, a voice that I could recognize from miles away. It isher, here, and I cant go down and kiss her, hug her, tell her how much I love her. Then I hear a loud band and someone rushing upstairs screaming my name.**

"**Yes! Soph Im here but the door is locked!" I try and open it but I cant, I hit it, pass my id through it but nothing.**

"**Don't worry Sian Im taking you outta here!" she kicks the door once, twice…it seems tons of times for me when eventually it falls open." Came on gather your stuff you are leaving with me. Quickly Rosie is waiting outside in the car" Finally we packed most of my belongings and we head downstairs as my dad is getting up from the floor with a big cut in his forehead. **

" **You little slut where do you think you are going?" he yells coming closer to me and slaping me in my cheek" you are not leaving me to go with this dyke!"**

**As soon as I felt my cheek burning from the impact Sophie moved in front of me covering me with her body. I cant see her face as she is with her back to me but I can bet anger is written all over her face. I've never seen her like this, all protective, hitting my dad and breaking the door to get to me, yet it goes worse when in the blink of an eye I see them fighting, beating each other with kicks, slaps and punches. I try to grab Sophie and take her away from him but I fell to the floor. Crying as how useless I am when Rosie came helping me to drag Sophie to the car. **

"**you'll pay for this!" That's the last thing I've heard from my dad**

I started running again, running from my own thoughts, trying to get rid of all the memories. I have to get my head around this: my Sophie is gone for good. But my heart refuses to obey my brain. My brain tells me that I should just forget it and move on. I still got her as a friend the world wont end. My heart is killing me though. The feelings inside of me are indescribable, I cant put it into words, they are simply killing me, burning every single bit of my heart. I know it sounds dramatic but trust me when I say she is everything I got, my life would be meaningless without her.

My lungs were aching from the strain, my mouth was dry and my muscles were hurting every step I take…yet I cant stop, see what took me stop standing in front of my dads house.

Suddenly I bumped into someone falling down I didn't apologise I just stood up and kept running arriving somewhere familiar again…

**FLASHBACK**

**Sophie's house is pretty crowded and Sally is so busy which made her be all grumpy nagging the hell out of us so we decided to go spend the day out as it is a hot summer day. I need to get out of the house im sick of flinch every time someone enters the room thinking that perhaps they catch as holding hands cuddling or something. We've been together 3 months now and by now just Ryan cause he caught us. She want us to be a proper couple but I am still not ready, she knows she is not straight but I don't know what I am, besides I know my father and if he grounded me for going out with ryan he would kick the shit out of me if he knew that I am dating a girl. Course I hate sneaking around by we have to.**

**The other day we found a hidden park with a little lake which is usually unfilled and seeing that we cant have any time alone we decided to spend the day there taking some sandwiches and drinks with us and a towel to lay down on the grass.**

**We got there walking even though it was a quite long walk we wanted to just hold hands and take as much sun as we can. We've been talking, laughing, messing around…We've already eaten and she's stood up standing in the shore of the lake. She's left her shoes here so I took off mine and walked up to her wrapping my arms around her from behind and kissing her neck. She rested her head in my shoulder encouraging me to keep kissing up her soft skin. All of sudden she untangled my embrace and splashed water all over my shirt. At first I was shocked but soon she got her pay back. 15 minutes later we were laying on the shore laughing all soaked.**

"**What was that for?" I asked when I managed to control my laughter.**

"**Sorry babe but you seemed a bit hot so we needed to cool you off a bit didn't we?" she said holding a cocky smile.**

"**You cheeky mare" I said rolling over on top of her.**

" **You are a bit soaked babe, you should maybe take this thing off" She said pointing to my shirt still smirking.**

**We've took off our shirts and I am laying on my back while she is up on her elbow looking at me with her arm resting on my waist to keep me warm. She's been like that a while and I don't want to disturb her from her awesome task of staring at me but it makes me feel a bit nervous.**

"**Stop looking at me I can see it through your sun glasses" I said.**

"**Sorry" I opened one eye seeing her blushing" you are so god damn beautiful. I feel like if I blink you will disappear " she said gazing into my eyes" I cant believe you are mine…" she whispered**

**I raised up my body to meet her lips in a soft loving kiss. She is a great kisser and she makes me feel things that I didn't even think existed. I know it sounds cheesy, I thought it was an invent of the romantic comedies to make you cry and believe on soul mates. But Sophie made me believe. With one kiss she makes my body and my heart feel some incredible things, not in a dirty way of course. She makes me feel fireworks on my heart.**

**I brushed our tongues together slowly, tasting her. I slowed down parting from the kiss and pecking her lips. Opening my eyes I see hers remain closed with a half smile rising across her lips, still inches apart from each other.**

"**What's wrong babe? " I ask her gazing up and down from her eyes to her smile.**

"**Nothing…just….I just love the way you make me forget about reality…"she utter in a soft hushed tone" I love you" I am stunned. It is the first time she said that she loves me. I knew we were not hanging out just for fun, still it surprised me. Hearing this three words from her mouth, knowing she truly meant it…I feel as I was home. Those words have spread a warmth in my heart I've never felt before.**

"**You don't have to say it back babe" she said closing her eyes.**

"**I have to because I do love you too Sophie Webster. This is the first page of our storyline, i want the first words to be 'I love you' and the last one 'forever'.**

"**Forever" she repeats feeling her hot breath caress my lips.**


	9. Chapter 9

Rosies POV

Sian hadn't come back yet. She's been lost 4 hours now… I am truly worried because I know the state sian could be in after what sophie told her. Even though Sian is not the self destructive one I know she must be dying inside. I want to go out and look for her but I cant leave the house in case she comes back. I told Jason to go and search for her. Besides its freezing out there, I thought it couldn't get any worse when it started raining. Such a dramatic scenario…they should do a movie oh and I could play sophie as I am totally hotter than her. Kissing Sian though..Ew.

Focus Rosie, where would she be? Ough who am I trying to convince I don't fucking know where she could be, such a great friend I am…But this is all Sophie's fault isn't it? if she hadn't fell or jump or whatever she did Sian wouldn't be rapped or lying unconscious on the street, or sleeping in a bench being robbed or anything that can happen to a girl alone at this time in the night. It is all Sophie's fault. Don't get me wrong, she is my sister and I love her with all my heart, but it seems as if she has lost her brain lately, she is screwing up everything. I don't give a flying fuck that she is in hospital, that doesn't excuse her behavior. Im not the one to be sympathetic or complacent, she makes mistakes and she has to accept the consequences and if something happen to Sian she will have to deal with the consequences of my fist, then we will see whether she comes to her senses or not.

Anyway I should have been with her, stuck by her when she needed me, as the big sister I am. All this roof thing wouldn't have happened then…Sian took all the responsibilities and tried to help Sophie while I was running away from all the drama going on in my house. I left my family due to my selfishness. Ough stupid brain why do you have to work now and not when I need you? Just fuck off I don't need you to tell me I have to blame myself too.

I cant bare staying here doing nothing anymore Sophie fucking Webster is going to hear me once and for all. I grab my coat and put my heels on faster than ever and ran out of the house to my car. Passing through the deserted streets of Manchester fits exactly my mood, I don't want to see anyone. I need to see Sophie and tell her how wrong she is and I need to get there quick. Rushing through red lights I don't have the time right now to stick the fucking rules I need to arrive at the hospital and go back to look for Sian. I rushed to the now darkened and half empty halls till I got to the room. In the door way a man was stood looking inside through the window but as soon as he saw me he hurried along the hall out of my sight.

"You little bitch are going to hear me! All this shit burying us is your fault! I promise you if I find a little cut in Sians skin I will fuking kill ya!"I screamed entering the room

"Shhh Rosie! She is asleep""Oh Sian you are here oh my god" I said running towards her and hugging her tight" I was so worried…how stupid I am to not come here earlier"I started sobbing ." I'll call Jason to tell him you are here and we'll leave ok?"she nodded" I love you Sian.""I love you too sis"

Sians POV

My short trip through the city helped me to clear my mind and reach a decision. I know I cant live without Sophie thats a fact, I am not able physically of living without her, just thinking about it makes me sick. Yet I realised that this is the end of a chapter, right now my life is teaching me in the hardest way it found that I don't have to be attached to anyone, I don't need anyone to feel complete, to not feel lonely. I got myself. After everything with my so called family my childhood went quietly, anyone noticed me. Of course I was the typical blonde with blue eyes who everyone said 'such a cutie', but my parents just lived their life with me as another piece of furniture. Thats why along my teenage years I was begging for attention and that led me to Ryan. However when I started going out with Sophie the lack of attention left, yet it wasn't the attention Ryan gave me, it was the attention which love brings, something that I never imagined. The love Sophie showed me, taught me, made me develop something more intense, a bond between us.

Right now I am not giving up on our bond, on us, I am building my own life from the ruins of my broken heart. I need to give this chapter a closure, as Sophie said, we both have to if we want to have a healthy relationship, maybe it will be as friends or as something else, but im not going to do predictions, I'll just take what the future give me knowing that I will always be in love with Sophie and accepting that as I gift.

After Rosies outburst in the hospital she is giving me some time to say goodbye, more to myself than to Sophie.

I tangled my hand once again with sophies missing how soft her touch was...

FLASHBACK

**Last week was the first time we've slept together and saying it was mind-blowing is an understatement. I am still I little confused about everything though and I feel as if im pushing her. I cant take the guilt of breaking her vow just because I am a hoe that cant keep her hands to herself. Nevertheless we've been all touchy-feely these days as if we couldn't be in the same room without touching each other. Maybe we were holding hands,or we brushed our arms cooking closer than necessary,or we were cuddled into each other on the sofa. Actually we've spent the whole week cuddled watching telly, dvd's or just chatting and laughing as old times, well it wasn't old times when her mom left to see Rita, Rosie or to buy something and we started making out. Anyway when we weren't near, as sally was getting a bit suspicious, we were always glancing each other. I cant even count the amount of times I've caught Sophie looking right at me cleavage or just openly staring at me. Im not a saint either, I've never enjoyed so much the stairs before as I discovered I could happily go up and down the stairs all the times I want as long as sophie is walking before me. That sexy bum of hers is killing me, as well as her body. **

**She's always been eclipsed by Rosie, don't ask me why, I love rosie but I find her a total slaper. Plus she has not Sophie's eyes, or long hair, or tanned sexy body, or that mouth...oh crap that mouth...see! I'm getting carried away just by thinking of her!Anyway I am waiting her as Rosie convinced us to go clubbing with her and some friends. Sally is sleeping over her sister's as she hasn't seen her during the holidays, you can tell after everything with Kevin and Jack I totally understand that she didn't find the time. So Sally let us stay here as long as Rosie is in charge, yep I don't understand either why would she trust on Rosie over us but hey we are spending almost 2 days without Sally checking Sophie doesn't kiss me I am not complaining. **

**Rosie is helping me to drag sophie downstairs and let me get ready a little surprise for her. At first Rosie was a bit taken back since she is her sister and we are like family but she is good as long as both of us are 'prudent'. Rosie's words. As if I could get her pregnant or something...**

**Finally, we've arrived at the club which is really nice by the way, there is a long bar with blue light and a big dance floor with loads of tables on the other side. Sophie and I go get a table while the others order the drinks and I find myself staring again, I bet she choose the dress just to tease me, as she is being doing all week. She is wearing a black skinny dress which shows part of her back and hug her curves in a way that is driving me crazy. Before that night she always wore hoodys or clothes that doesn't point out her upper body, but since that night she is always wearing tanktops, and tonight's dress...**

**Siting down on a sofa she wrapped her arm around my shoulders keeping me close. We've been like this all the time we've been drinking and I can genuinely say that rosies friends are actually nice. However sophie is growing excited about dancing with me, as she's been whispering in my ear the hour we've been .**

**So we tell everybody and go down the dancefloor. We are now I bit tipsy grinding into each other to Turn me on by david guetta and nicki minaj. In our clumsy state we hold onto each other for support and I tangle my arms on her neck while she places her hands on my hips but soon she lower her hand to cup my bum. I don't notice the music changing, I just feel the sound waves vibrating through me and Sophie's body rocking to the beat in time with mine. I've always thought that people who come to a club to grind into their boyfriends\girlfriends can fuck off and go shag to their own house but I cant help myself with Sophie, she so sexy dancing here with me, I feel like I want to remove every gap and hold her into a while I look at my watch and jump I little noticing we've been dancing for an hour."Soph"I whisper-scream in her ear" can we go home now please"**

"**what why?are you ok?"ohhh look how sweet she is" its just that I cant do to you the things I want in public can i?" I say to Sophie smirking. We make our way back as fast as we can trying to avoid each other gaze as we both know we wouldnt control ourselves if we saw the look of pure lust in our eyes. We arrived home and I convinced her to stay downstairs until I call her as I have to put the finishing touches on my surprise. I've covered the room with petals, candles, notes and paper hearts. I heard a soft crack on the door as it opens and I can see my gorgeous girlfriend approaching me.**

"**I hope these are happy tears"I say wipping the tears off her face as she scanned the bedroom"Soph listen last week well you know when, it was amazing but I think that maybe I rushed or pushed you as we were a bit drunk. Dont get me wrong I don't regret anything but as it was your first time and I wasn't as gentle as I wanted to... well I need to make it up to you. We've been all week teasing each other and its weird but I see you with different eyes. All I can think about is that I want to show you how much I love you. As I said this is a bit weird cause you are my best friend but-"She silenced me with a kiss.**

"**I love you Sian you don't have to make it up to me cause im the one who asked you to stay. I want you every minute of every day. And I always will. Now shut up and kiss me I've been horny all week." This girl knows how to kill the moment. But truth is it turned me on. She gripped my neck as I run my hands up down her spine while we caress each others tongues. I parted our lips turning her around to unzip her dress kissing my way down her know exposed skin, earning all sorts of gasps from her. Note to myself:take your time with her back. I spun her around again after taking off her dress and lift her up grabbing her thighs at first and now her bum. I carried her to the bed lowering us and hitting the covers grinding myself into her involuntary as she has still her legs around me. She pushed up my upper body to discard my blouse. Now both in our underwear as she removed my skirt painfully slow brushing my thighs with her fingertips. I start kissing her body, trying to find every sensitive spot I can play with. As I said I want it to be slow, gentle full of love, yet full of passion too. I want to please her in every way possible. I start kissing her jaw, her neck and her earlobe, the places I knew full well I could get to her. Eventually I lowered myself kissing her collarbone but rising myself up a bit to lick her adams apple. I kissed my way down to the edge of her bra still without taking it off and leading my mouth down her bellybutton and her hipbones. Every touch, every kiss, every lick of my lips, my hair tingling her skin made her gasp, release soft moans and sounds I cant get tired of hear. I kneeled beside her changing from my position straddling her I turned her down so she was now with her back on me. I laid on her body kissing her again now up her spine to her neck. I made my way up linking our fingers and sliding my thigh between hers adding a bit of pressure. I reached her bra and unclasped it when she said"Sian..please..." "Your...wish..is my...command" I said between kisses. I spun her back around straddling her again and taking off the last piece of clothes covering her. We started rocking our bodies together feeling the wetness raise soaking my own knickers with her centre. Neither of us could wait any longer,i needed to take her right there and then, and I did something I wasn't expecting myself to do: I placed myself between her legs cupping her breast with my hand and taking her nipple between my fingers as I entered her with my tongue. "Fuck Sian!" **

"**Im trying" I said with a smirk as she gasped feeling my warm breath in her centre. I don't know what I am doing. I just...I am letting my instinct lead me. I found another sensitive spot brushing my tongue with the front wall inside of her "Oh babe right there" she gripped tighter the covers moaning as I quickened my pace trying to get deeper into her. I want to taste every little inch of her. As her breathing was becoming erratic I opened more her thighs with my free hand and found her clit circling it with my fingers."Ouuuhgg!" As I felt waves of pleasure all over her body, I kept going on with my actions enjoying everything as a kid in a amusement park. I could feel myself getting turned on just by the sounds she was making. I know that I can easily get turned on by her but not to this levels. I thought I could orgasm just by thinking of what we were a while she reached her high shivering and screaming loudly."AAAH SIAN" I licked her centre clean brushing my tongue over her clit earning another wave of pleasure from my way back and after the 5 longest minutes of my life waiting for her to ride her orgasm and catch her breath again a sweaty Sophie hugged me tight resting herself on me.**

"**I don't know if my body will be able to deal with this forever I am knackered"**

"**Oi are you complaining?" "noway powers, your name really fits you" she said giggling.**

I single tear rolled over my cheek, 'the last one' I promised to myself as I kissed the top of sophie's hand and left the hospital.


	10. Chapter 10

It's been two weeks since Sophie's accident...she's improving, only with her injuries, her head refuses to remember, but Im glad she's better. However she doesn't let us go with her to the counselling sessions or to the recovery, saying that it is something she has to do on her own, an as much as I hate it I know she is right. Maybe it is just the stupid me feeling jealous because they are able to help her and I am not...i don't know.

For me...I came back to Uni and I am doing pretty well, I always liked it anyway and it helps to keep my head occupied as I've never been Einstein and I have to study a lot. I've found a job at the Rovers and I moved in with Tina. My first idea was moving with Rosie and Jason but the last thing I need is see every day a couple all loved up. Despite the row I had with Tina about Sophie we made up and everything is better than ever between us. I must admit that I was a prick with her, she was only looking for Sophie and I let my anger lead me and take it out on Tina.

Flashback

_I've just talked with Sophie and I know I am such a drama queen but she ripped my heart out of my chest. I'm broken, so I am running out of the hospital. I feel claustrophobic in here, like the walls are falling down, getting closer and closer to me, squashing me. I rushed to the door and when I was passing the cafeteria, seeing the door I bumped onto someone. I couldn't be bothered to talk, let alone apologise so I just kept moving, but then this someone griped my wrist and turning me around. Its Tina. _

"_Stop feeling sorry for yourself will ya?" she snapped at me all of a sudden." What?" I asked confused "what do you want me to do exactly Tina? Throw a party, sing on the top of my lungs? Just let me know" I replied sarcastically _

"_No, Sian, just stop being such a selfish cow and start thinking about how empty Sophie is feeling right now, how confused and lost she is and how messed up is her life. You are not the only one getting hurt for this I am her friend too, but all this tears and negativity wont do her any good."_

"_So I lost my girlfriend, my best friend, the love of my life and you expect me to go on as if nothing had happened? She is everything to me Tina!" I replied angrily" Without her I got nothing" I brought out the end of the sentence trying to stop the tears from falling. _

"_So we are nothing for you now?I am nothing for you? You know that Katy is as worried about you as about Sophie? She knows you and she doesn't want to push ya but I am fed up of you attitude Sian I am not gonna lie to ya but take a moment and think about how awful is everything for us, but most of all for Sophie."she said pointing back. I frowned looking at the floor as she continued" If something had happened and you are guilty about it stop feeling self-pity and be the friend she needs" Tina said with anger evident in her eyes. She doesn't know how the fuck I am feeling, in how many pieces my heart had broken._

"_I don't need you to tell me what to do! Just fuck off and leave me alone! "I said crying again, this time of rage and I left the hospital _

However Tina was waiting with Jason at the house that night, even though we weren't in good terms she was there for me, as always. When I came back with Rosie she got me sorted ,literally, as I was soaking and shivering. Plus I was exhausted, physically and mentally, I couldn't even make words. I entered the house and collapsed on Tina's arms. Despite her behaviour of 'I don't care' she is such a great friend and she always stood by me when I needed her, she is a real caring person. So, Rosie told her the conversation I had with Sophie and was well pissed, yet neither of us wanted to make a big deal out of it, Sophie made her decision, I made mine and we are coping with the consequences. Anyway Tina stayed with me that night, wrapping her arms around me trying to comfort me. I didn't get any sleep, neither I cried. I had had enough pain, but I had Tina, and Rosie and Jason, even Sally and Katy, well Katy and I were kind of avoiding each other to be honest. We both know we are weaker than Tina, as she can bury a subject deep down on the back of her mind and don't show any pain or hurt, but Katy and I are the opposite and if I talked with her of this I would end up breaking down as I did the day Sophie told me, and as Tina and Rosie said I have to be strong. However since the day Tina slept with me (don't be dirty-minded you pervs) I've spent most of this two weeks between uni, rovers and Tina, as I packed all my belongings and moved in with her the they after. Nonetheless I have to say I'm not in the mood to face Kevin, I have enough seeing his grumpy face at the rovers. He always looks at me as if I were the devil or something, and I don't get why since he has supported Sophie and I since the very beginning.

So besides Kevin wanting to kill me this 2 weeks went quiet, without any arguments or troubles. They are releasing Sophie in 3 days, but she has to keep going to recovery and the sessions with the counselling.

"Sian" I lost my train of thought when Rosie approached the bar." Sophie wants to party the day she's released"she said nonchalantly while sipping from her beer."She what?" I asked frowning" She said she is 18 and she wants a proper party" She said as she sited down crossing her legs. 'This girl is just stupid' I though. I looked at her in disbelief and replied "Rosie, let me fill you, she is taking pills, she got her leg broken, as well as her ribcage, she cant drink, she cant dance, she cant even walk properly!" 'Why am I even surprised about her lack of brain?' "But why Sian? I wanted her to have fun thats all" she said pouting as a baby"actually, I thought about this hot club in town-" she started as the pout on her face was quickly replaced with a grin"Rosie!"I cut her" I said no! All we could do is something here, but nothing special or big, I am warning you. If something as Sophie's birthday happens again you can forget me" I warned her, with a smirk tugging on my lips at the memory. She took another sip of her drink as I left her to attend the clients waiting to be served. After 5 minutes Rosie came chasing after me with a excited look on her face, and a new beer. "I have an idea!"she said squealing "Why I don't like the sound of that...shoot it." She clapped her hands grinning as I served the last drinks and gave the clients the change." We can do a video with all the pics and stuff of this 2 years so she maybe remember! OMG Sian I am such a genius aint I?" I sighed closing my eyes."Mmmh Rosie...stop thinking, stop having ideas, and stop talking you idiot. She would just collapse with all the information threw at her!" Holding on to my side of the bar I thought about it for a sec, it was a great idea, but not in this situation, not just after being released. However, don't ask me how but Rosie managed to convince me yet with one condition: I was gonna talk to the counsellor and ask her if she was ok with it. After a long work night I went home and spent most of the night thinking about it.

I called the hospital first thing in the morning to arrange a meeting with Sophie's counsellor and she was really glad that I was going to see her so she made it for us to meet. But along the morning you can guess how it went. I was driving myself crazy, I don't think that I was this nervous about asking her her opinion of the idea, it is that I was afraid of what she could tell me. Anyway I attended 2 classes at uni, not that I was paying attention but I had to go, and came back as nervous as I left. I shouldn't be this worried or hyper but I cant help myself, is Sophie, my Sophie.

Catching the bus to the hospital my mind drifted away somewhere it shouldn't, I was thinking about the doctor, was she pretty?, did Sophie have something with her? Is that the reason why Sophie doesn't let me see her? No, I don't think so, doctors are old and weird. Am I just rambling to myself? I am the one that should be seeing the counsellor.

I arrived at the hospital and found the office I was looking for. After the longest 5 minutes of my life I was greeted by a middle-aged woman who led me to her fancy office. I sat down on the chair opposite to her, looking around the grey and black coloured room. "I am Dr Martirn, Mary, I suppose you are Sian. Soophie is talking about you all the time." She smiled politely. "I hope all I am so glad to meet you at last" I said crossing my legs." I came to talk to you about an idea that Sophie's sister had, she wanted to throw a party for Sophie and I wasn't sure if it was convenient or not."I explained fidetting with my hands.

"I think a little party would cheer her up, she needs to see some familiar faces and get used to everything all over again, so yes, it would be good for , I am guessing it was not the real reason why you are here" She said looking at me with her hands entwined." Actually Sian, I wanted to talk to you about something...about why I dindt meet you earlier" I sat forward on the chair waiting for the doctor to keep on" This 2 weeks have been eventful to say it someway, I reached some conclusions but I am not sure about it, all I can say by now is that she has blocked some of her memories and we have to find about since when exactly, so we could know how to help her work out to set her brain free. However by now its unlikely for her to remember anything. I am so sorry."I closed my eyes letting the storm wash over my heart all over again. At least this time I was ready for the pain. "She didn't want to tell you, but we still hold on to some hope, we have to get to the memory that is blocking out the rest and then work from there." I looked at her composing my self "However I thought that we could see the doctor that is helping sophie with the recovery wait I'll call them" the doctor called him and said he was busy, actually talking to Kevin, so I just told her I needn't see the other doctor and left.

The couple of days before Sophie came back to the street I spent my time trying to be alone, I didn't want to tell anyone, as Sophie was the one who had to do it, at her own time. I busied myself with uni stuff and hid on the library. However the day arrived and I was as nervous as ever. We prepared a little party but Sophie will love it.

So finishing the last touches to the pub, setting the drinks and cleaning the booths, which feels for the 100th time, I decided to go get ready, as I was the only one left at the pub. I needed to stop the pacing, I am not a silly girl anymore, I am eighteen am not the girl that run away from Sophie when she first kissed me. I arrived at the flat as Tina was doing her hair, while shouting at me to get ready as it was just half an hour until the Websters was going to pick up Sophie from the hospital, after signing and revising everything.

"Get your little ass in the shower before I pull you along by your hair Powers!" My lovely flatmate yelled through the hallway still straightening her hair so just her head popped out of the door of the bathroom. See, she is such a charmer. Anyway sick of the demanding brunette I gathered my clothes and rushed to the bathroom.

After I finished with the shower and the make up, Tina was already dressed up so she helped me with my hair into a bun letting my fringe fell around my face, framing it. I was wearing a black and white strapless dress with a golden and black belt bordering the two parts of the dress, showing off my tan. It showed my legs, but enough to be smart and not make me look like a hooker. However the top side was tight while the bare one, from my waist was hugging my figure more loosely, matching my black high heels.

So here I am, getting ready, willing to settle things with Sophie and to embrace the beginning of our new life, together and separated at the same time, but able to have each other. At least that's what I convinced myself of, whatsoever my desires, or needs, are, they have to be subjugated to the currently situation, leaving me to deal with the emotions rising inside of me, which of course I cant control. Nonetheless that is the thing that scares me the most, not being able to control the wave of hatred, jealousy, love, desire, arousal, whatever my body and my heart decides to punish me with. See we left and we are already at the pub and I didn't notice...i'm such a zombie nowadays...what happened to the funny Sian who was always joking and lighting the mood? Oh yes, she grew up, faster than she should, and learning how to survive on this jungle we call world by the harder way.

Everybody from the street is filling the pub, as Rosie texted me saying she will last 15 minutes as they have to sing a few papers still. Everything is perfect, decoration, drinks, people and all I can think about is the last perfect person this party needs. Unable to get away from my own head Tina kept me company as I she didn't let me clean, or tidy up, or do anything for that matter. Truth is that I was hyper and she was just trying to help, on her own way, you already know Tina.

However, surviving the wait, don't ask me how, we managed to surprise the party girl, and I must say, her face was priceless. Despite that she asked for a party, she didn't expect it at all. Rosie texted me again just 5 minutes after they arrived and I made everyone sit as if it was another day hanging around after work. She entered the room full of known faces holding onto Rosie, and I know it is a cliché but we locked eyes what felt like forever, even though It lasted way too short for my liking. I went through the crowds to get a hug, the hug I needed for a while now, a hug from my best friend and I felt it, I wasn't lonely anymore. I left the brunette beauty to catch up with everyone and went to the bar, which was plenty of cocktails to choose.

Acting as my new self I searched for any task I could occupy myself with, and not the lazy Sian I used to be, but Tina came to remember that tonight of all nights I need a rest, to have fun, and she was well right, I just didn't want her to be. She stayed by my side as the great friend she is, knowing full well how uneasy it was for me to stand at the bar, awkwardly, avoiding the person I wanted to be, where we spend tons of times just fooling around, drinking and having fun with our friends.

However I have to tell you something, you maybe will laugh at me, maybe you wont even believe me, but I know Sophie inside out, and the way she is being looking at Tina and I since the very first minute she arrive, that she thinks we are together. Crazy I know, but Sophie is that kind of person, always seeing subtle where it wasn't, yet I find it hilarious sometimes.

As the time passed, alcohol flood and halfway through the third round of shots, all Tina's idea, I was on the other side of the bar, while Sophie was talking to Rita, and a boy I hadn't seen in my life approached me. I tried my best to just invite people Sophie knew before whatever happened, you know what I mean, people who she does remember. 'Maybe the alcohol is making his move' don't be paranoid Sian.

"Can you give me something?" a heard a male voice asked me, as I didn't even take away my sight from the stuff I was gathering to make myself a mojito. "Sure, what do you want?"

"Whiskey, and your number" he said whereas I rouse my eyebrow and rolled my eyes, still without looking at him. It was not worth it to even lift my head. "You don't talk now? Thats a shame, cause you have such a pretty voice" he asked me getting closer. I let a whimper leave my mouth as I didn't want to answer him, I just wanted him to leave me alone. "You don't take the hint do you?" I replied with a look of disgust on my face. I didn't mean to be rude or anything it is just that I couldn't be bothered. Besides it was a great party we were all having fun and I didn't want some random bloke to annoy me. I looked around the room looking for Soph and I saw her on the booth with Katy and Ches, and I also saw Kevin watching me from the corner of the pub where he was sitting with Sally. Seeing the look of despair on my face Sophie approached us as the guy kept talking to me. To be honest I wasn't paying attention at all. The moment I laid my eyes on Sophie my ears shut and the rest of the world became a blur when the only figure I could see clearly was her. "You ok Powers?" Sophie asked me placing herself on the bar beside the guy. She was wearing black skinny jeans, which delineated perfectly the outline of her boot, and an aquamarine blouse, that enhanced her eyes, that hung around her body loosely, but showing off her cleavage. As gorgeous as always. "Yeah, yeah Soph don't worry" I smiled at her as the guy kept talking. I was so lost in her eyes. But suddenly she broke eye contact and turned to face the guy" Dude, not her type, leave her alone." She hissed. Kevin approached us seeing as his daughter was getting upset. "Soph Sian can talk with whoever she wants, let her be."Kevin told Sophie softly."Yes, dad, but clearly she is not enjoying the company!" sophie replied pointing at him."Well, you don't know that. She can flirt with whoever as I said Soph, meet people, have a boyfriend."

"Oh dad leave it will ya? Don't try and interfere! I know her, she wasn't 'flirting' with this"

"And what are you her voice or something" They boy snapped at Sophie as I frowned and she laughed sarcastically. "I am actually since she lost her voice moaning my name last night" she said with that cocky style of hers that I always loved. I stood wide eyed looking at her. I cant believe she just said that! My best friend, ex girlfriend, the one who I am in love with. Oh fuck and now I am imagining it and blushing from head to toe ,I bet my face look all flustered...oh fuck...The guy ignoring Sophie's comment focused his attention on me again as Sophie's smirk brushed off when she saw the look of confusion on my and her father also is open mouthed. Awkward. "I bet she is lying, nevertheless, If you want some real sex, here is my number. Im Josh by the way" he wrote down his number on a napkin."It would be good to see that dress on the floor of my room" he said openly looking at my cleavage. It was making me physically sick so I turned away from him tiding up the bar. Meanwhile Sophie grabbed him by the arm "Leave. Now"

"Or what crutchy girl ?" he replied pushing her into the bar forcefully. I don't know what I did exactly. All I remember is that all of a sudden a leant up on the bar grabbing Josh by the collar of his shirt and placing the knife I was using just moments ago on his temper took the better of me again. Sophie came as quickly as she could to my side of the bar placing herself behind me and holding onto my hips. I leaned into the contact without releasing my grip on the boy. "Touch her again and you will be dead in less than 5 seconds. Now leave" The pub remained silent as Josh left, everybody looking at Soph and I when I dropped the knife and hugged buried her head on the crook of my neck and I kissed her head, as her dad was still staring at us, as well as the rest of the pub of course, but there was something wrong on Kevin's expression. Anyway still holing on Sophie's neck we hugged tight for a couple of minutes more, I love Sophie's long hugs you see, and when we parted I kept her in place with my hands resting on her shoulders "Im so sorry Soph I didn't mean to be all wet blanket. We did all this and then-" I started rambling" Is ok Sian, promise. We are having fun aren't we?" she smiled" at last we can have a proper chat ay, lets take a seat"she continued" So, you and Tina"

"Well I moved in with her, she is being so nice, I don't know what did you say to her but seem that you made her a proper softy" I laughed"Anyway Soph she stood by us since the beginning she's been such a great friend." I said truthfully as Sophie's look was kind of funny."Oh no. You think that we are together don't you? She is not my type, besides she is as straight as I pole!" we both burst laughing again. "Not your type either Powers? Tall, brunette, killer smile?"she said smirking

"Nope sorry Webster im more into blue eyes " I said with my half smile. "anyway" she continued now with a serious smile" what about you dad and your mom,still nothing about them?"

"I don't want them in my life anymore Soph, all the family I need is in this pub. Besides I don't want another confrontation with Vinnie. Janet just left, but him...i don't trust him since the last time." I said as she frowned" but Im ok don't worry"

"Wait" she said still frowning, deep in thought" I remember your dad! He is my physiotherapist!"OH FUCK


End file.
